Hi! I'm Cash.
Not so long ago, I found myself in my mid-30s, a professional social worker, a mother, a wife – and a regular alcohol drinker. My drinking habit had steadily grown during my 20s as I worked my way through restaurants and bars. Then in graduate school, what I thought of as my “pleasant pastime” became a constant presence and need in my life.
Drinking had become the only way I knew how to friends, avoid loneliness, and numb the pain of living in new cities, meeting new people, and not having my community around me. My fiance was across the country. At times it felt like all I had was alcohol. After graduate school, drinking was how I connected with my fiance, and my new friends, and how I numbed the struggle of finding meaningful work after years of trying to begin my career.
5 years later I was back in my hometown with my now-husband. We owned my childhood home and had a beautiful baby boy. I was successful in my career as a social worker and therapist, but at the same time feeling stuck and ready for change. I was exhausted, impatient, and short-tempered.
I was suffering from insomnia. And I was having concerning physical health ailments – specifically a racing heart and irregular heart palpitations.
Despite this, I was not in a place where I could see alcohol for what it was doing in my life. On many days it was the only thing that I looked forward to anymore: nightly glasses of wine after work, boozy Friday night dates with my husband, day drinking on weekends with friends at the million microbreweries and wineries in and around town.
Even in the face of exhaustion, lack of sleep, emotional extremes, and a scary heart condition developing, I didn’t want to believe alcohol was the issue. I had tried many times over the years trying to reduce, cut down, or drink mindfully.
I would use my calendar to mark days that I would or wouldn’t drink (this never worked). I would attempt Dry January (and fail). I would negotiate with myself – tell myself I would only drink certain kinds of alcohol or stop at a certain number of sips.
Nothing ever worked. Not because I didn’t want it, or I wasn’t strong enough. It was because I didn’t have effective tools for understanding WHY I drank in the first place.
Around this time a very good friend of mine introduced me to the book The Alcohol Experiment by Annie Grace. My friend was taking a break from alcohol. I was amazed, intrigued, and since it had been on my mind for a while that I needed to take a break, after a few days of it on my mind, I decided to read it myself.
Upon reading the book, and deciding to take a break from drinking, I felt an immense relief – like I was finally able to put down the huge weight I had been carrying around with me, the one that didn’t let me put it down. Didn’t let me stop thinking about it. Had seduced me and trapped me before I knew what had happened.
Within a week or so, literally, all of the ailments I had been worried about had diminished and nearly or completely gone away.
- I was sleeping for the first time in years
- My acne had reduced and my skin was glowing
- And most amazing of all, my heart felt normal. No more palpitations or pain
- No more middle-of-the-night chest explosions waking me up
- No more sweating and insomnia
I couldn’t believe it. Soon, I noticed my workouts were better, my heart felt stronger, and there was nothing better than waking up on a Saturday morning without a hangover. Truly nothing.
I had an energy that seemed to come from the heavens. I couldn’t account for it. I believe this is what they call the pink cloud. Whatever it was, I was thriving off of it. It kept me moving, kept me excited, gave me hope.
This decision, which began as a curiosity driven experiment has taken me down a path of unending self-discovery and growth.
Since breaking my drinking habit, I have become a certified coach and am now working directly with people who are also trying to make alcohol small and insignificant in their lives.
My coaching is integrated with my professional training in cognitive behavioral therapy and my lifelong passion for spiritual teachings and practices. I am passionate about sharing this knowledge, tools, and my own personal approach with others who are venturing down their own path back to themselves after many years of being led astray by alcohol.
I invite you to explore my site, see what I can offer you as a coach, and take a look at my blog posts where I will share my ongoing learning and experiences on this new path.
With a Clear Heart,
BEYOND BEING PASSIONATE ABOUT COACHING AND GROWTH:
- I’m obsessed with Lord of the Rings, it is my comfort movie series and can be watched at any time
- I’m a true introvert and am completely happy in my own company, all alone with my books and coffee
- I have artistic talent but have never really found the focus or energy to put it to good use. But I love surprising people with it.
- I love the true crime genre, especially “I Survived” stories