I am a Pisces – the zodiac sign known for spiritual exploration, journeying into the unconscious, and desire to understand the deep currents of wisdom underpinning our known reality.  My truest passion has always been understanding what it means to be human, what drives us, our psychology, and our spirituality.  Pisces folk have an innate ability to tap into the unseen forces that drive the human experience. 

However, in Pisces’ shadow is a deep pain we endure because of this sensitivity.  Because of this we have a strong and natural desire to escape the uncomfortable realities of the world through any means possible.  Escapism, in the end, is what led me here, to become the guide for others who have found themselves getting stuck in their own methods of escape.  I will share a bit about my own journey through the escapism of alcohol, and perhaps you will find pieces of your own resonating within it, echoes of your own efforts to soothe the pains of being human.

In 2019, I found myself in my mid-30s, a professional social worker, a mother, a wife – and a regular alcohol drinker. My drinking habit had steadily grown throughout my 20s as I worked my way through restaurants and bars.  Then in graduate school, what I thought of as my “pleasant pastime” became a constant presence and need in my life.

Drinking had become the best way I knew how to make friends, avoid loneliness, and numb the pain of living in new cities, meeting new people, and not having my community around me.  My fiance was across the country. At times it felt like all I had was alcohol.  After graduate school, drinking was how I connected with my fiance, and my new friends, and how I numbed the struggle of finding meaningful work after years of trying to begin my career.

A few years after I graduated, I was back in my hometown with my now-husband.  We owned my childhood home and had a beautiful baby boy.  I was successful in my career as a social worker and therapist, but at the same time feeling stuck and ready for change.  I was exhausted, impatient, and short-tempered.

My emotions were getting out of control.

I was suffering from insomnia.  And I was having concerning physical health ailments – specifically a racing heart and irregular heart palpitations.

Despite this, I was not in a place where I could see alcohol for what it was doing in my life.  On many days it was the only thing that I looked forward to anymore: nightly glasses of wine after work, boozy Friday night dates with my husband, day drinking on weekends with friends at the million microbreweries and wineries in and around town.

Even in the face of exhaustion, lack of sleep, emotional extremes, and a scary heart condition developing, I didn’t want to believe alcohol was the issue.  I had tried many times over the years trying to reduce, cut down, or drink mindfully.

I would use my calendar to mark days that I would or wouldn’t drink (this never worked).  I would attempt Dry January (and fail).  I would negotiate with myself – tell myself I would only drink certain kinds of alcohol or stop at a certain number of sips.

Nothing ever worked.  Not because I didn’t want it, or I wasn’t strong enough.  It was because I didn’t have effective tools for understanding WHY I drank in the first place. 

Within a week or so of not drinking any alcohol, all of the ailments I was worried about had diminished or completely gone away.

• I was sleeping for the first time in years
• My acne had reduced and my skin was glowing
• And most amazing of all, my heart beat was normal ~ no more palpitations or pain
• No more middle-of-the-night chest explosions waking me up
• No more sweating and insomnia

I couldn’t believe it. A few weeks later, I noticed my workouts were better, my heart felt stronger, and there was nothing better than waking up on a Saturday morning without a hangover.  Truly nothing.

I had an energy that seemed to come from the heavens. I couldn’t account for it. I believe this is what they call the pink cloud. Whatever it was, I was thriving off of it.  It kept me moving, kept me excited, and gave me hope.

This decision to completely change my relationship with alcohol, which began as a curiosity-driven experiment, has taken me down a path of unending self-discovery and growth.

My Education and Experience

Undergraduate degree in Anthropology and Religion